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When I was making my first cage my wife Cheryl came out into the shed and asked me what I was doing. I mumbled or grunted something about “building snake cage” whilst earnestly trying to figure out some small detail or putting in an annoying screw (I’m not sure which), to which she rolled her eyes and ambled back into the house - I believe shaking her head and possibly rolling her eyes.

Anyway, I wanted to make a good cage. I had made one already but it was far too small as I had divided it into two sections by placing a timber divider in the middle. It cut the cage in half and was close enough to the floor to prevent interaction while leaving enough space to slide a heat mat under. It covered about 1/2 to 2/3 of the cage either side of the middle.

I decided to do it that way as it cheaper than making two cages and the two children’s pythons were still small, having just graduated from the plastic containers. (When I housed them in the plastic containers I used small terracotta plant bases for their hides. I cut a little out of the side of the base for the entrance - this is a good tip for juveniles and young snakes or lizards)

I housed the two juvenile carpet pythons in that cage, one each side, but as they grew I knew I needed to make another cage.

So I did some research and with a bit of help from pet shops and some research on the web I was able to come up with what I thought was a simple snake cage plan.

A snake cage design that:

- was easy to make
- was strong
- looked good
- had appropriate thermal properties
- had easy access
- was lockable
- was easily maintained.

I suppose I should back up a bit and tell you how I made the first snake cage. Having two juvenile snakes about to graduate from their small plastic cages meant I needed accommodation. Initially I thought I had to make two snake cages with two sets of heat mats, thermostats (I know there are alternatives), lighting and twice the amount of materials.

So I decided, after multiple diagrams and fiddling about, to make one cage and divide it in half. I still needed to heat both sides. I placed a divider in the cage. It was close enough to the floor to prevent the snakes going underneath yet high enough to allow the Flexiwatt heat pad to slide underneath.

I also made the divider so that it fitted in the cage exactly but only held in place by screws. These screws could then be removed if I wanted to make the cage larger and build a second cage.

I made a number of mistakes with this cage.

The front was glass but it was fitted and did not slide or move. There were two hinged lids on top, one for each side. As I had no experience, it didn’t occur to me that his was a poor design. I soon found that it was. I should have at least made a door at the front, either sliding or drop down. The top door was a good idea, but not on its own.

I chose to make the door on my new cage a single drop down door for a number of reasons.

First and foremost was ease. I didn’t have to slide the door and get a reptile from the other end as the snakes don’t move out of the cage very quickly. If you have dragons or frisky reptiles it is better to have either a sliding door or two drop downs or, alternatively a combination ie a drop down door at the front with a hinged roof on top. This allows ease of access from above to retrieve the reptiles and also ease of access from the front for cleaning and accessorizing.

Drop down doors are the easiest to make and the most forgiving of mistakes, particularly plexiglass. Drop down glass doors and sliding doors require a little more effort, and time. If you have limited room, a sliding door is much more satisfactory. All my subsequent cages have sliding doors but that is a personal choice.

As I had carpet pythons, I did not need to have a UV light - usually you can use supplements to provide any extra dietary needs with snakes. If I had wanted to put in a UV light for a lizard in the first reptile cage I made, I would have had some difficulty because the hinged roof and fixed front would have made the angle of access when installing a light difficult. I had effectively eliminated half the roof and could not access the back of the cage roof easily. The light fitting should have been installed at the same stage as the half roof – something I neglected to think of at the time.

I also chose to make my own heat mats using Flexwatt. My first commercial mat was far too hot and buckled one of my plastic cages and the timber it was sitting on. I had to throw it out. According to the instructions it was supposed to self regulate and not require a thermostat. It didn’t work. So I decided to make my own heat mat and attach it to a thermostat. No problems so far and the results are far better.

To make the mat, I drilled holes in the back of the snake cage and dismantled an old electrical cord. I attached a plug I bought from the hardware and attached it to one end and I soldered the other ends onto the mat. I wanted to use a detachable plug so I could thread the cord through a small hole in the back of the cage. I wanted the hole to be small enough to prevent escape, even by small snakes.

The soldering was a bit difficult as the soldering iron had not been refurbished ( I have since refurbished it and it works perfectly now - you can find out how to refurbish you soldering iron in my book “How to Build Reptile Enclosures”.)

I also had to drill a small hole in the back of the cage for the thermostat probe, which sat on top of the heat mat. I stuck the heat mat down with some tape but have since used double sided tape or clear duct tape as holds on better and longer.

You can put the heat mat on the base and then placed thin ply or something similar over the top. I have yet to try this method. I have even seen snake cages where tiles were glued and placed over the heat mat, after applying a layer of glue or similar substance. I now use inexpensive vinyl over the heat mat, as it is easily cleaned, and have newspaper or other substrates on top of that again.

Melamine also makes a good base as it is easily washable. Silicone should be placed around the edges to prevent water damage and leakage into the joins, but there is a trick to making a smooth silicone joint.

Placing the lights in the snake cage is relatively easy. I decided that I would place an in-line switch to each light so I could control them from outside the cage without having to scrounge around finding the cord or a switch on a switch board. I have since automated all of these using timers.

I have quite a good range of tools in my shed but I really didn’t need a lot to make the cages. I think for most people, cutting the timber square is one of the biggest issues. There are ways around this so that constructing the cage is relatively easy (you can find these out in the book “How to Build Reptile Enclosures”).

I did a lot of looking around at various cages, trying to determine the best material to build them from. I built mine using MDF. I use it for a number of reasons.

- It has good thermal properties
- It’s easy to use
- It comes out well painted
- It’s easy to sand
- It does not buckle easily
- You can work with relatively thin (1/2″) material making it not too heavy

You do need to be a bit careful cutting it and I would advise using a mask. It can be very dusty.

You also need to be a bit careful putting in screws. Put them in too hard and you damage the hole. They will not hold properly.

I would not advise making a snake or other reptile cage from pine or cedar. These materials can be dangerous to reptiles. A few pieces of pine for framing is fine but not the whole cage.

Another good material is plywood. I do not use it mostly because it can be splintery. It does look good however if you finish it with a timber finish a clear coat.

I also painted my cages (spray paint gives a nice finish). I let them dry out for about a week before I put the animals in there. This is to ensure that the paint has time to cure and that the amount of vapor it releases has declined enough to be no threat to the snakes. You can pop your head in the cage after 4 or 5 days and smell the inside of the cage. When the paint smell has almost gone ,the snake or lizard cage is safe to put the animals in.

After painting it’s just a matter of adding locks, door holders and accessories like climbing branches, rocks, hides, water bowls, fake rock walls and whatever you fancy.

My children’s pythons, blue tongued lizards and bearded dragon now happily live in their respective habitats.

Good Luck.

A security alarm system is an important part of your home security plan. In addition to your alarm, there are many things you should be aware of, that will help you to strengthen your safety campaign. Be cautious at all times and especially around the holidays, due to an increase in criminal activity.

* A quality deadbolt lock on all perimeter doors is always your first line of defense. A door is most often the point of entry for an intruder. If you don’t have a quality lock the perpetrator knows that a good blow will break the non-fortified wood that is holding the door lock cylinder in place. A quick entry and closing of the door hides the damage, as it will be on the inside.

* If you just moved in to your home or business, you should change the key cylinders on all locks, as you don’t know who has a copy of the key.

* Cut the cord handle off your electric garage door openers. It’s easy to push the top of your garage door in enough to put a wire hanger in and hook the release handle. By pulling on the handle, a burglar will override the screw or chain drive and be able to manually lift the overhead door. Once protected by the privacy of your garage, entry to the home is inevitable. Be sure to leave just enough cord so that you can use it from inside if needed, but not enough to reach the top of the overhead door!

* Burglars hate light. You should replace outside perimeter lighting with motion activated lamps. These are very inexpensive these days and readily available at most hardware and electronic stores. The protection they will provide coupled with the convenience of having a well lit area to come home to, make them a must have.

* Place timers on a few of your inside lights to give the appearance that someone is home. It is always smart to vary the time every few days so that a pattern is not realized, if you are being cased. X10 makes a variable timer that will change the timing for you automatically.

* If your last name is posted on your mailbox, a burglar can get your listed phone number from information. By ringing your phone with no answer, they would be able to assume that you are not home.

* Turn down the volume on your answering machine so that burglars can’t hear that no one’s home if the phone should ring.

* Don’t hide keys outside your home, as they will be found. Leave a spare with a trusted neighbor instead.

* Leaving ladders and tools outside your home can trigger a burglar’s impulse, even if that was not on the schedule today.

* When leaving your home for daily routine, be sure to vary times and direction of travel. Your repetitive actions are a gift to potential burglars who are always on the prowl for their next victim.

* Remove or place a light on shrubs that can easily conceal a waiting burglar from site.

* When you buy new appliances like televisions or stereo’s and computers be sure to hide or destroy the boxes. New valuables are an invitation to a burglar’s already distorted senses.

* Don’t ever tell a stranger that you are home alone.

* Install a peep hole viewer, if you do not have a convenient window to check who is at your door before opening it to a stranger.

* If someone asks to use your phone for an emergency take the information through closed doors and inform them that you will make the call for them.

* If you see signs of entry, DO NOT ENTER the house. Go to the neighbors, to call for help and be on the lookout for strange cars or people near your home.

* Always keep your cell phone in your bedroom with you. If the phone lines are cut you will need it to call for help.

* Don’t leave a purse, wallet or laptop on the counters that can be seen from a window. This will almost always trigger a forced entry.

* Security signs without corresponding security company stickers on the windows, may lead a passing burglar to believe that you don’t really have an alarm system installed.

* When traveling put your office address and cell phone numbers on your luggage tags. A baggage handler will know that you are not home.

* Remove all address information from your parked car at the airport. Anyone who breaks into your vehicle would know you are not home and have your address and garage door opener.

* Don’t leave notes on the door telling someone that you are not home and what time you will be back.

Congratulations on moving in to your new home. Of course when we use the word new in this instance we mean that the home is new to our family. Most times when we move home we move into a house, apartment or condominium that has been owned before.

If other people have owned, or rented, your home before you, this means that they must have had keys to your home. This means that changing the locks on your new abode is a top priority.

But the folks that you bought your new home from are a real nice family and you reason that they would not sneak back with a spare set of keys and burgle you. Most probably not, but the thing is that you just don’t know if they have handed out copies of the keys to your home. How do you know that a spare key was not loaned to a tradesman, pet sitter, delivery person or visiting friend or relative? Sure the key was handed back when the job was done, or the visit was over, but what if a copy was made?

Let’s be cynical for a moment. Apart from the number of times the previous owners handed out a spare key can you really be so sure of the honesty of the family itself? For sure they seemed nice enough people, but then they were selling you their home, how do you know what they are really like? All it would take is for the one dishonest member of that family to sell a set of keys to a housebreaker and that means that your new home is in no way secure.

Changing locks may involve a comparatively small expense and a bit of inconvenience, but nothing like the expense and inconvenience of a thief using a copied key to walk into your home.

Remember that it is of little use just changing the lock to your front door. All external doors need to have their locks replaced and that includes the garage door, especially so if there is a door that leads from the garage into the house.

Alright, you realize that changing locks to your new home is a top of the list task. But you may not want to simply change like for like. Perhaps the previous owners were happy with a lower level of security than you demand for your family. You may want to replace any spring latch type locks with deadbolt locks. Also check whether the existing latch plates are deep enough for the new locks that you are fitting.

So that’s it. You’ve changed all the external locks and made sure the locks that you fitted were of a good quality. No worries for you about keys to your home in the hands of thieves.

There’s just one thing. At some point in time you will need to loan a key to a repair man who needs to call when there just can’t be a family member home to let him in. Sooner or later it happens. Of course you would only loan a key when absolutely necessary, but do you want to go changing locks every time that you have to do that?

Consider fitting keyless locks. Should you need to allow temporary access to a repair man, delivery person or visiting friend you give them a temporary code and when the repairs are done or your guest is gone, you simply delete the code. They cannot return and gain entry into your home.

Fingerprint locks go one better. There are no codes to give out. You grant someone entry authorization by scanning their fingerprint and retaining it in the lock system. When you no longer need them to have access you simply delete their print.

Changing locks as soon as you move into a new home helps give you the peace of mind that someone can’t just walk in and help themselves.

“Each man has his vocation; his talent is his call.
There is one direction in which all space is open to him.”
-RALPH WALDO EMERSON

One of life’s big unanswered questions is “why are we here?” There are many potential answers - each of which will be equally valid, but on a more personal level your life purpose is something very unique and very special. For most people the idea of living a successful and fulfilled life conjures up images of hard work, sacrifice and overcoming the odds. Although there certainly is merit in all that, on a deeper and more spiritual dimension, living your life on purpose is all it really takes to be fulfilled.

Living your life on purpose is not meant to be a constant struggle. Living your life on purpose is to follow the path of least resistance. It’s the easy way for the easy way is that which you are destined for. The easy way does not mean that you do nothing to fulfill your destiny. The easy way is the way that comes natural to you. Sometimes this road of least resistance is easy and sometimes it’s hard, but it is the path where the entire universe conspires to help and assist you. In the quote above, Emerson gives us a great insight about following the path of least resistance: when you live your life on purpose it is that ‘direction’ in life where everything opens up for you. You may have spent a lifetime knocking on locked doors, yet there is one door which will open up the entire world for you.

Each and every one of us have our own unique calling. Emerson refers to the fact that each and every one of us have our vocation and a special talent that will open these doors for us. So many people confuse vocation with ‘a job’ or what they ought to do with their life. Your purpose is much beyond all that. In it’s original Latin, the term vocation means to ‘be called’. What is it that calls you in life? What is it that brings you joy? What is it that really makes you feel alive?

However faint that little voice deep down inside, until and unless you listen to it you will continue to feel unfulfilled and like you are not really living the life that you are destined to live. Living your life on purpose is not so much in what you do with your life as it is the way that you are when you live your life. It’s not some spiritual goal to reach some day. Living your life on purpose is about fulfilling and realizing your Self in ALL of life. Your purpose is your guiding light - always directing and steering your life to a sense of inner peace, joy and fulfillment.

Deep within you is that divine spark, your higher self which is always looking to express and experience itself through you. Your purpose is always trying to connect with you and it speaks the language of passion and inner joy. Whenever you feel passionate about something, whenever you feel real joy and a deep emotional connection to your self, then that is your purpose trying to connecting with you.

Stay connected. Get your mind off the things you think you ought to do to be happy and fulfilled and turn your attention inwards instead. Joseph Campbell said it beautifully when he said “Follow your bliss…” - follow your bliss and get your life on purpose. When you do you will find that doors will start to open for you where there aren’t doors for anybody else.

Each and every one of us have our own unique calling. It is the key to unlocking your own personal door to a life of fulfillment. All you have to do is to follow your bliss and allow your purpose to find you. Stay connected to all those things that bring YOU joy and listen only to your own heart - despite all the millions of opinions and demands that we all get bombarded with. As you get more in touch with your own spirituality you will start to discover a deeper and more meaningful side to yourself. Getting to really know and expand yourself will help you to stay connected and to live a life on purpose. In the end it is not about demanding any particular path in life, but instead taking the path of least resistance - the path that is your very own.

Pets are like children in some ways. They have a curious nature and a natural tendency to get into things that could be harmful. If you have a pet or are thinking of getting one, it’s best to pet-proof your house. Here are a few ways to protect your pet from household dangers.

Keep a lid on the garbage.

Cats and dogs are natural born garbage pickers. They will rummage through the trash like a veritable treasure chest if given the chance. Digging through trash cans may pose a hazard to our four-legged friends since we toss all sorts of harmful substances into the garbage.

Keep the toilet lid closed.

We all know that dogs are notorious for drinking from the toilet and so are some cats. People have been known to flush all sorts of substances from medication to leftover hair dye down the toilet. People also may pour bleach or cleanser into the toilet bowl and let it stand to remove stains and odor. Chemicals are used in much the same way to treat clogged drains. Fresheners are placed inside the toilet bowl to keep it clean and odor free. While some toilet bowl deodorizers are non-toxic, others can be harmful. Keep the lid down and the bathroom door closed for your pet’s protection.

Always rinse out the sink and bathtub.

Cats have a bad habit of jumping in sinks, on tables, countertops or anywhere else they can get to. They will lick water from the sink or nibble on bits of food left after rinsing dinner dishes. Make sure to clean the sink out after use and rinse thoroughly. Treat the bathtub in the same manner.

Hide or cover electrical cords.

Wires or electrical cords are a big attraction to most pets. It can be very dangerous for a cat or dog to get shocked by chewing on electrical cords. It could even prove fatal. Try to keep cords out of sight if possible. Run them behind furniture; staple them to baseboards or cover with electrical tape if necessary.

Use insecticides with care.

If you need to use insecticides or pesticides around your home take every precaution to protect your pet from harm. Open windows or turn on ceiling fans for proper ventilation. Put your pet in another room. Make sure your pet doesn’t escape through any open windows. If necessary, take your pet to a friend or relative’s house for a couple of hours. Take precautions when using a pesticide outdoors in your garden as well. Even if your pet is an indoor pet only, there is always a chance that he may get outside.

Clean spills thoroughly.

Some products such as bleach or antifreeze are deadly to pets. Be careful when using these and other similar products. If spills occur, clean the area thoroughly and flush with water several times. Keep pets out of areas such as the laundry room or garage.

Keep medications and cleaning supplies under lock and key.

Dogs and cats love to chew. Their teeth are sharp enough to penetrate plastic bottles. Placing items on a high shelf may deter dogs in their curious quest but not cats. Your feline friend can easily reach places that you have to stand on a chair to reach. It’s best to keep medications in a medicine cabinet. Although many people keep household cleaning products under the sink it is best to put a latch on cabinet doors if they are easily opened. Cats and dogs are pretty adept at using their paws and even their noses to pry or nudge doors open.

Make sure screens are in and doors are latched.

If your pet is an indoor pet make sure that your windows are down and screens are in place. Be certain that family members close the door behind them as they come and go throughout the day. Pets often get outside and become lost or injured because windows are left up or doors are not completely closed. A cat or dog can easily slip outside when you’re not looking.

If you take care to make sure things are in their proper places you can keep your pet safe and healthy by preventing careless accidents.

Copyright © 2007, Ian White Acess 2000 Pty Ltd

If you have ever lived through a hurricane, you know the incredible damage that can be caused by severe storm winds. It doesn’t matter if your home is new or old, it may not be able to withstand high waves and fierce winds. There are three areas that are vulnerable to damage from a hurricane, windows, doors and the roof. Wood shutters are a great way to protect your windows from falling debris that can shatter the glass. Even if your windows don’t shatter, fierce winds against the window could cause them to leak air in the future. Exterior vinyl shutters are another solution protecting your windows.

Even a house made from concrete can have points that are weak. Wood frame homes are especially vulnerable to strong winds. The first way to hurricane proof your home is to determine what type of roof you have. If you have a gabled roof, they are more inclined to be damaged from high winds. By simply, climbing up into the attic and installing additional braces in the gable ends is a great first step. If you are not a do-it-yourselfer, have a qualified contractor install galvanized metal hurricane straps as these will help secure your roof to the walls. The next vulnerable area is your windows. They can be protected by installing protective storm coverings such as wooden shutters or exterior vinyl shutters. Your local building supply store should be able to supply you with the shutters you need, or you can actually make your own out of plywood.

And finally, the third vulnerable area during a hurricane is your doors. Installing bolts or pins strong enough to withstand storm force winds are great way to reinforce your doors. Door-bolt material will range in price from $10-$50. If you have a large garage door, start strengthening it by installing a horizontal brace in each panel. Many garage door manufacturers have bracing kits available for purchase. Also, consider heavier hinges and stronger supports for your garage door. If a hurricane is pending, take the necessary steps now to ensure and maintain the integrity of your home. Installing good exterior vinyl shutters or wood shutters are good first step.

Here’s something I bet you never even thought about when you were shopping around for your new home: what kind of garage door opener should I get? If you’re coming to your home from an apartment or a condo, the thought of having to purchase or replace a garage door opener has probably never entered your mind. After all, it was never your responsibility.

Well, it sure is now. Garage door openers, while fairly uncommon in terms of items that need maintenance or repair, are still mechanical and hence will break eventually.

Generally, there are really only three reasons why someone would ever replace their garage door opener:

1. The one they have has broken – The most obvious reason is needing to replace a broken or damaged unit. Since a garage door is a pain in the butt to have to open manually, having your opener break usually prompts an immediate response (a trip to the hardware store).
2. The opener they have is very slow – No one enjoys waiting, especially on those cold winter nights when they are coming home from work. If your garage door opener is slow, your only real option is to replace with one that is faster.
3. The opener they have is noisy – While garage doors have always had a mechanical sound when being opened, sometimes too much noise is cause for annoyance. Reduce the damage by purchasing a quieter motor and supporting hardware.

We purchased the Chamberlain WD822KD as a solution to problem number three- our garage door sounded like a tanker truck being dragged across a concrete wall every time that we opened it. At first it didn’t bother us because the novelty of buying a new home was still there, but after a while it started to wear on our nerves.

Features

What drew us to these particular motor was that it is supposed to be much quieter than a traditional motor. Other notable features include:

• 1/2hp motor
• Steel rail system
• Two included remotes to open doors and turn on lights
• “Belt drive” – supposed to be quieter than a chain or screw system
• Lifetime warranty on the motor and drive belt (important)

Installation

I took down the old unit with a help of a friend of mine (and a couple beers) and had everything off in about half an hour. Then, following the instructions included with the Chamberlain, we had everything up and running in about an hour. Everything fit exactly as it was supposed to, and I didn’t experience any issues or situations that weren’t covered by the manual.

I spent a bit more time on the remotes and the main control panel, but once that was in I was pretty much finished. The entire project took me about three hours from start to finish, and by no means am I a contractor.

How does it work?

Now, on to the good stuff- does it work like it’s supposed to? Well, my wife and I were very eager to see how it performed. She did the honors by pressing the open button, and our garage door began to open. No loud noises, no clunking, no errant sound effects or horrific sounds of things scraping. Just the sound of the rollers moving on the track and the “hum” of the motor.

Very, very quit. I was impressed.

Conclusion

This is a great motor. The door takes a few seconds to open, but boy is it ever quiet. For the price I don’t think there’s a better option out there if noise is an issue for you.

Pros:

• Quiet.
• Easy to install.
• Looks pretty good.
• Two remotes that are easy to program.

Cons:

• Not the least expensive by any means.
• Takes a few seconds to open the door.

Overall: A great piece of machinery- highly recommended!

We all love to improve our homes. We spend untold hours [and dollars] on the weekend doing this and that to improve our homes. Adding windows to garage doors is the latest fad.

Garage door windows are generally small and serve the purpose of lighting much more than of allowing vision to the outside. The reason for this is that when you can see out the window, it means that intruders can see inside as well. The garage is a very likely source of a home invasion and you do not want to make it easy to see what is stored inside. On the other hand, lighting inside the garage is important. Windows also tend to add to the decorative appeal of the garage door.

Windows are usually mounted high on the doors, but also must be fitted to the panels in multi-panel sectional garage doors. Since these panels fold up and ride into the garage ceiling when the door is opened and unfold and straighten when closed, the ability of the windows to survive this process must be taken into consideration. This is another reason that garage windows tend to be smaller.

Many consumers are interested in finding window styles that harmonize with the overall window designs of the main house. Since the garage door is an alternative entrance to the home, it is also important that the windows of the garage door harmonize with the window arrangement of the main entrance doorways. This creates a balanced look to homes where the garage is attached to the home and is most important when the garage doors and the entrance door is in a line across the front of the home.

If a window is going to be added to an already existing garage door, it is best to have it installed by a professional. Unless you are a very advanced DIY type of person with experience in setting windows, a professional is needed to insure the window is properly set and can withstand the opening and closing of the door. Although the window may need to be actually installed by another, you should retain the final say on the size and style of the window. There is such a wide variety of options available that you should be able to get your garage door window exactly how you wish it to be.

Since much attention is given to insulation in garages through insulating panels on the garage door and threshold seals where the door meets the floor, it would be foolish to offset the conservation gain with large windows that allow energy loss. This should be an important consideration is the window selection process. You should insure that your choice is not offsetting the gain from other forms of insulation.

If you have only been a tourist in Mexico and have never lived here, you may have never noticed this. Mexico is a country of little butts and its entire infrastructure is designed for their small, and perky rear-ends. In know this for a fact because I am a professional writer trained to note and record such things.

Americans, of course, have all of the fat-butt genes God handed out at creation. There is no use in denying this, so don’t try. You will not win the argument. Americans have the fattest keisters on the planet and all the proof you need is to come to Mexico, stay for about a month, and try to get along “well” in normal daily affairs.

We have to be assisted into the back seat of Mexican cabs because our fannies are so large that we cannot get in and out of the backseats without the fire department coming with the Jaws of Life. When we try riding the buses all we can get into the seat is one butt-cheek with the other hanging over the side looking and flopping about like a swollen blob-monster. It also becomes plaintively apparent when we try to get in and out of some of the doors installed in these buildings—houses included. They were all built for hobbits, which, by the way, are real and all live here in Guanajuato. Mexico.

My wife and I notice this too when we try going out to eat. I swear to God that every restaurant in the town is designed for someone no more than 4.5 feet tall. This includes the entrances and the seating arrangements. I can get one side of my fundament onto the chair cushion and one kneecap under the table. The other leg has to stay extended out in to the aisle causing all manner of havoc with people trying to jump over this telephone-pole-sized leg. They act horrified since they have never seen something so huge.

In addition, the toilets: I think I have some permanent damage, or something, from trying to sit on these toilet seats designed for someone with a backside the size of a hand puppet. I have actually broken many of them—I am deadly serious—all around town in the public facilities. I try never to frequent the same public facility twice so as not to be recognized. I am sure there is a warrant out for my buttock crimes.

It is nightmarish!

Not only does this town’s infrastructure cater to little-butted people but also to people who are the size of Santa’s Elves. I know I have sustained multiple concussions from forgetting that the doors in all these homes and buildings are built with the “little folks” in mind. I have rearranged my scalp, not purposely mind you, on many occasions from scraping it on the doors. We had an apartment here where the back door was less than two feet wide. I swear I am not making this up. I could not enter nor exit that back door without contorting myself into an inhuman and ungodly shape. I simple could not walk squarely through that door.

I cannot describe to you what it is like to be a giant in a land of little hobbits.

I had to travel eight hours to a resort town that had a Wal-Mart that catered to big-butted King Kongs just to buy a pair of underwear. I do not for one nanosecond believe that I would be able to find underwear in Central Mexico to fit me. There isn’t the demand to accommodate fat butts.

If there’s one thing most Canadians can agree on, it’s that our winters can get pretty cold. While we put on a cheerful face by playing hockey and having snowball fights, at the end of the day, we’re all dependent on our furnaces and heating systems to get us through those dark, cold months.

However, winter is only as cold as you want it to be - with a few easy-to-implement winter apartment heating tips, you’ll be able to keep warm and toasty when the temperature drops below the freezing mark.

Close Your Windows - And Keep Them Closed

The biggest single source of radiant heat loss in your apartment is most likely your windows (especially if they are old, single-pane windows). It may seem like a “no-brainer”, but check all of the windows in your apartment to make sure they are closed and locked during the winter. As well, try to avoid opening the windows at all, if possible.

Even if you keep your windows closed, however, warm air can still escape:

· Between the window frame and the wall;
· Around the edges of a loose pane or through cracks in the glass.

To prevent warm air from escaping through the window frame, you can install durable metal or plastic weather-stripping between the window sash and frame. Typically, these types of weather-stripping will last for several years and do not interfere with the regular use of the window.

Cover Any “Leaky” Windows

To prevent air from escaping around the edges of a loose pane, caulk or tape around the edge of the loose pane where it meets the framework of the sash. Alternatively, you can cover “leaky” windows with a thin sheet of plastic to try to keep the warm air in and the cool air out. These simple “window kits” can make a big difference in reducing any drafts throughout your apartment.

Always get permission from your landlord before installing anything or modifying your apartment windows. Your landlord might even pay for and make the installations for you, depending on the situation.

Draft-Proof Your Doors

Just like your windows, keeping your apartment door closed as much as possible during the winter will help keep the heat where it belongs - in your apartment instead of in the hallway.

You can also draft-proof your doors with weather-stripping and caulking. Warm air can easily escape between the doorframe and the wall - if this is the case in your apartment, caulk between the frame and the wall. In most apartments, the vast majority of warm air is lost under the bottom of the door. Installing a door sweep or a draft-stopper to prevent air from moving under the door can prevent this loss and keep your apartment warm. These supplies can be found inexpensively at any hardware store.

In addition to keeping your apartment comfortable, weatherproofing your doors and windows will also save a lot of energy as you won’t be using as much heat to keep your apartment warm.

Don’t Block Your Radiators

Finally, if your apartment has radiators, they should always be kept clean - any amount of dirt and dust sitting on top of them will absorb some of the heat that is being produced. You should also remove any radiator covers when the heat is on, as covers can block the airflow through the radiator in addition to absorbing heat.

Be sure to also move your furniture so that all chairs, couches, bookcases, entertainment units, desks, beds, etc. aren’t too close to your radiators or heating convectors. Don’t let your drapes or curtains cover them either, as they will divert heat to the windows (and therefore out of your apartment if they aren’t properly sealed) instead of into the rest of the room.

While you can’t avoid the cold entirely, following these easy tips should keep you a little bit warmer this winter and give you a nice, cozy apartment to come home to after a fun snowball fight or game of hockey outside with your friends.